Experiment

I'm gonna start something new. Maybe it'll become a fad and I'll be credited as the first person to do it. Or it won't and I'll fail spectacularly because I can't keep the momentum going.

I'm going to start living on half my income. It officially started on Monday and I'll see how long I can last. It shouldn't be too hard as I was a finance major in college and I play with money all day long. I won't eat out every meal, I'll only go to the mountains on the weekend using free lift tickets, and I won't blow a whole paycheck on a painting. (Yes, I love art. Support the arts!)

So yes. I'm now living below poverty. I guess I'll see what happens. Ideally I'm living on half my income so that when I do get accepted to the Peace Corps, I can quit my hell hole of a job and work at Starbucks.

Yep, right now that's my aspriration. To become slightly bohemian and work at a coffee shop. It doesn't make sense to stay at my job if I know I'm leaving. And besides, it would be fun. Ok, it would also be irresponsible, but that's part of the fun.

Dream Big.

Tomorrow....

is January 25, 2008.

And I will be 26. Ok, I can't hyperventilate. I just can't. 26 means that I'm not in my early 20's anymore. I'm going to be in my late 20s.... Oh Crap!!!

Turning 25 was a mild heart attack. And that was only because my mom got married when she was 25 and I wasn't even dating anyone. (And for some reason that was a big deal for me to get married before I was 25) But I got over my insecurities and braved my fears of being single. And I can now honestly say that I'm happy to be adventerously single.

Yes, 25 was a good year. But it was a hard year. I learned lots of difficult lessons including:

* When do you help someone out and when do you just let them face the consequences of their actions?

* Who am I and do I really like the person that I've become? (I realized who I was, and I realized that I really didn't like the person I became, so I wised up, learned more about who I want to become and changed for the better)

* Being content in all circumstances. (Single, dating, friends, friends with benefits.... ok, scratch that last one. Friends with benefits just sucks and I don't recommend it at all)

* Which would lead me to the last huge, large lesson that was the hardest to learn. Teaching myself that I deserve better than what I settle for. That I'm worth it. Yeah cliched but so true. (Props to Doug on this one!)


So all this to say that 25 was a good year, a hard year, but one worth going through.

If I had to make a soundtrack for 25, it would include copious amounts of Bright Eyes, Derek & the Dominoes, Coldplay, Smashing Pumpkins and oddly Andrea Bocelli.

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will
be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

It's a saying that's been resonating in my brain for a good month. I don't really understand it nor know what it means. But I think the first two words are key: "Be still".

I'm not still very often. Most of the time my schedule is so jam packed that I had to go out and buy a planner. Yes, a planner. Like the one we used in college.

So for now I'm trying to learn what being still would look like for me. Maybe it's just taking time at the end of the day to journal or maybe it's just taking those adventurous hikes were I end up getting lost and stalked by mountain lions.

Whatever it is, I need to do it. Just to be still and know that He is God. (Not me).

Cold Showers

It's been a problem creeping around my house in the wee hours of the morning. No one knows when it's going to strike and you just hope that it's not going to be you.

So the Russian Roulette had been spun, and I was the lucky one.

First of all, nothing wakes you up quite like a cold shower. Your teeth chatter and really the only good thing that comes from it is that your hair usually looks more shiny.

I can't complain too much though. Cause on most days I do have hot running water. And I have running water 24/7 be it hot or cold.

That can't be said in alot of places of the world. Yeah, they might have running water, but not all the time. And they probably don't have heated water.

So I guess this is a post about being thankful for what I have. And for a cold shower to make me realize it all.

Best email of 2007...

"Dear Jamie,

I do not even know if you remember me. My name is Stefan and we had a sublime conversation that I wanted to last for a lifetime because you were funny and witty and mischievous and beautiful inside out. I guess I should be thankful that you spent time with me on your last night in Shanghai....No matter where you are I wish you a wonderful Christmas and hope you can spend it with the ones you love and treasure the most and that Santa brings you heaps of presents no matter if you were naughty or nice naughty is so much more fun tho).
It is meeting people like you who make me smile. Thank you. Maybe I will have the pleasure to see you again. Who knows."

It's emails like this that make me smile and realize that all is right with the world.

First is the worst, Second is the best....

Being the 2nd born kid, I'm used to be screwed over.

My sister gets more attention and money (albeit most of the attention she gets is negative) any my brother is the the wonderkid boy genius that could get away with murder. Me? Well, sometimes I get the short end of the stick, the shorter phone calls, less presents at Christmas, etc. (And all you 2nd born kids know exactly what I'm talking about)

But the problem that I've now come to realize is that I'm used to being 2nd, I'm used to being taken for granted. And this generally shows in my relationships with others, mostly guys.

Take the guys I've dated, for the most part I was never a priority in their life. I was just Jamie and that was it. I wasn't anyone special for them to carve anytime out of their schedule or their life. Or even take the guys I haven't dated but were interested in me. They never made any statements of how they feel about me, they never took the time to say.

And now, that's what I've come to expect from relationships. Which can pretty much be summed up into one sentence "Don't expect too much from anyone because then they will end up hurting you; so just go with the flow and let it be 'whatever'."

I know it's not a good perspective and I know it's one that needs to change, mainly because I deserve better. But the problem is, I don't know where to start.

How to you start teaching yourself that you deserve better when you feel like all that you have ever been treated is second rate?

Wish you were here

As I was driving to work I glanced at the car next to me. It was packed with 5 people looking bleary eyed and yawning. I looked at their ski rack and yep, it had snowboards in it.

How nice would it be to go skiing.

Side note:

My New Year's Eve was awesome. I only say this because last year my New Year's Eve completely sucked with everyone getting mad at everyone else. They say that how you ring in the new year is indicative of how you will spend it. I had alot of fun, made a couple of new friends and just enjoyed life. That's how it should be right?

So 2008, I'm expecting a whole hell of alot.