So it finally had to happen.

I had one of those "Oh Sh*t" moments.

You know when you realize what you are about to do and you're half terrified and half so pumped to do it? Yeah.

I dropped my brother off at the airport and thought "this is the last time I'm gonna see him for two years." Which just made my mind ramble into all the other last things I'll get to do before I leave.

And then, I pretty much hyperventilated.

What if I threw a party and no one came? What if I hated it there? What if people don't remember me? What if everything is so foreign when I return?

A quick phone call to Ang that went pretty much like "Are you f-ing kidding me?!?! Snap out of it! Of course it won't be horrible"

And then I remembered that I'm also excited. Yeah, there's stuff I can't do, but there is so much other stuff that I could do there. (Like becoming an amazing surfer, using a machete, getting a sweet tan, living in a rainforest.....oh and helping people too)

So I snapped out of it and for now I'm just being. Living in the moment and enjoying it for all it's worth.

I'm leaving.

In two months I'll be leaving for Panama with the Peace Corps.
And for once, I just want you to listen.
I don't want to hear about your relationship problems.
I don't want to over analyze a comment or an email.

I'm saying good-bye to life I've always known,
And saying hello to one I don't.
I'm packing up and moving on.
And for once, I just want to talk.

I want to talk about how excited
I will be,
How nervous I am,
How I am going to miss the most important
events in those lives around me.

I just want to talk about
saying good-bye
And for once I want you to just sit there
And not criticize me,
Not to judge me,
And not to tell me how to pack.

I want to talk about my feelings
(And I don't do this very much)
But for once,
Can you just listen
And let me cry
on your shoulder instead?

Update

So first of all I have to say, it's hard being poor. It takes lots of planning and prep and you have to be pretty creative. Okay, I'm done whinning. Here's an update of how I spent all of my cash money:

$250 on a phone. Yes, you can start yelling at me now. But technically it was a present from Mummy & Daddy, so really I didn't spend that money at all.

$80 on skiing. It was an all day event and tons of fun. From a money standpoint, not the best thing to spend my dolla bills on, but from a physical & physcological standpoint, well worth it. Plus my brother is coming into town and I have to be better than him once I hit the slopes.

$15 going out. Pretty cheap, considering it covered 2 beers, appetizers, a cover charge, and two nights of fun.

I've only gone out to eat a couple of times and I'm learning how to make my lunch!!!! Small victory for me, but still a victory.

So yeah, still learning on how to live on half my income, but my savings account is looking amazing and I'm not starving to death.

Change.

Saturday I found myself sitting in an auditorum at Colorado College looking at horrific images flashing across a screen. Tears started streaming down my face and I was so moved that I didn't even bother to brush them away.

Some friends and I went to watch "The Devil Came on Horseback" an independent film regaring the genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan. It's one thing to see fake gory violence, it's another to see an image of a child who was burned to death. I never cry when I see movies and usually never cry in general. So why was I so moved by this?

It's because it's injustice. It's wrong. When we as people are not moved by horrific images, there is something wrong with our society.

How can we see injustice and not act against it? If we fail to act, essentially we are like the German citizens of the 1930's who knew about the concentration camps and did nothing.

In the past I would hear about programs such as Displace Me or even (Red), but I never bothered to do anything about it. In fact, I criticized the programs and even the people who would participate in them citing that the programs were not sustainable, poorly run, etc. I would get on my high horse using example after example of programs that essentially hurt the people groups that the NGO's were trying to help. **most of these examples were pulled from "A Bed for the Night"

Wow. How much a view can change after traveling to a 2nd world country and coming face to face with the problems that you have been critiquing from the cushy chairs of a bohemian coffee shop.

You know, even though a program or solutions to a problem are not ideal, at least it's something. It might not be sustainable, but it works for the here and now. (And if any of you know me, you would realize that this idea flies in the face of all my financial and economic education).

So, I know the idea going through your mind is "What's Jamie going to do about it?"

I'm going to write letters to my Senators and Congressman, I'm going to become more and better informed. I'm going to write to the President.

P.s. And don't worry. I'm not going to go on the "Free Tibet" campaign....yet.