Wednesday, December 19, 2007


I walked through the door, announced my name and settled into a soft leather settee. Time passes as I play endless games of solitare on my ipod, never resolving, always restarting the game hoping that my luck will improve after each refreshing of the screen.

I should feel pampered and relaxed in this luxurious place. But instead I feel uncomfortable, akward and insecure. Memories of me as the geeky, scrawy, glasses with braces kid float through my mind and I uncomfortably shift yet once again in my seat. As I sit waiting for my name to be called I hear whispers and snatches of conversations whirling around me.

"Did you see what she did.... and then I said...who the hell does he think he is....that lady didn't even tip me....she is getting so fat....of course I didn't tell him.....she doesn't really like him...."

After my name was called, I sat in a chair and snips of my hair fell to the floor. The conversations continued to float around me.

And as I heard this conversations I began to feel sad and almost sick to my stomache. So often I have been the one in the conversation honestly telling others of what I think of someone. I talk about people alot more than I should. Instead of talking to that person, I talk about them.

I don't want to be that person anymore.

By David Gray

Friday night I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

1 comment:

Doug said...

This is seriously one of my favorite songs ever. Really, since like 1999 when I was living with Chantal, my best friend and drug-addict, seriously depressed and just wanting something very different from life than what I was getting.

Of course, it took me a long time until I realized that it was "Babylon" and not "Battle On," which is why I still strongly associate this song with Xena.

I did the same thing with Shakira's "Underneath your Clothes," which to me will always be "Mama needs your love."