I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas Tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is ....

Well I just don't know.
I wish I did, but I don't.

Do any of you out there in blogland have any idea what I could want for Christmas?

Green Eggs and Ham

I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I do not like them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Anyone remember this Story???

Well, as some of you poignantly remember a couple of months back, I had this ham in my fridge. It was a good honey roasted ham smothered in orange demi-glaze sauce. I served it at a dinner party for Easter for 30 of my good friends. The only problem was that we didn't finish the ham.

So there is sat in my fridge for a couple of days....


The days moved on to weeks....


Which then dragged into months....


Yes, I know. Months.

So I'm sure you guys are wondering "Jamie, why didn't you just throw the ham away?" Well. I'm not sure. At the beginning I was just lazy and then in the later months, it became a sort of comfort image to know that I could go home, open my fridge and see my ham.

Needless to say, two of my close friends eventually confronted me with the moldy ham. And due to an intervention, they threw it down the garbage shoot.

Fast forward to oh, let's say a week ago.

I made an egg casserole for work. And my co-workers didn't finish it. So I carried the casserole back to my car.

I kinda forgot about it. I mean it was sitting on the floor of my car and covered with a towel. So yesterday as I got in my freezing cold car, I put the heat on full blast.

Remember the degenerating eggs on the front passenger floor?

Well, let's just say gagging ensued. And I spent the rest of my 20 minute drive to work and the 30 minute drive back without heat.

So, you will all be proud to know that I threw the green eggs away... All by myself.

Surrender

to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress....

I don't know why most Christian songs sing about how sweet it is. It's not sweet at all. In fact, it sucks. You are giving up something under duress or at least not giving it up of your own volition.

Think about generals surrendering in war. Did they really want to do it? No, but they had to because it was between either that and death.

It's a struggle.




It's not fun.




It's not sweet.




It's not great.



But it is needed at times.... When it's either that or death.

Top reasons why I love Colorado

A cuppa Joe

Today as I looked out the window at work, the fog rolled down the mountain and swirled around the Springs. It wound around the trees and seemed to dance around the twinkling Christmas lights.

Tonight I am going to be surrounded by wonderful women. And though we have only known eachother for a couple of months from summer camp, being around them feels like home. Perhaps a spiritual home. The first night I came, I felt not only acceptance, but also love. The type of love that surrounds and hugs you like a warm blanket. I like that feeling.

And so I brave out into the icy cold to grab a cup of java and to talk about love.

The Stranger Next to Me

Yesterday I flew back home after going on vacation and I have a confession to make....

Whenever I'm waiting for the flight, I always scope out my fellow passengers.

And try to find the hottest guy.

Secretely I wish they would sit next to me in 28D. And suprise, suprise, they never do. They sit next to Miss America over in 11F.

I guess I should have realized that this pattern will always repeat itself. And yesterday was no different. I scoped out the hottie going to Denver. He sat next to Miss America, and I got to sit next to some random 55 year old from Ft. Collins.

Now, I'm not knocking on the older males from Ft Collins. It's just that we have absolutely nothing in common (other than the fact that we both thought it would be smarter to fly than drive to San Antonio.... but really that's a no-brainer)

So I'm sitting next to Mr. No-personality and I feel obligated to start a conversation with him. I did make the attempt, and you can generally determine within 5 minutes of meeting someone whether you will have stuff to talk about. And we didn't.

So with another hour and 35 minutes, I watched some random TV.

My point is to this random babbling is, why do we talk to the stranger beside us? I knew that the probability of me running into this guy again was about .000056%, and yet still I felt a need to have a somewhat ackward coversation with him.

I guess that's just the way the crow flys.

From the quiteness of the trading desk....

Today I have been doing alot of thinking about my life, my future and my dreams. This is something I journaled about a couple of days ago and I thought you all would like to know.... Or not know. I really don't care. This is me and this is where I am.

Dreams? Wow. I haven't thought about that in a long time. To be honest, I'm right in the process of giving up a dream/hope that I have had for so long. Probably so long that I can almost taste it.

But I think I've almost turned that dream into a god of sorts. I think about it constantly and wonder how it would ever evolve.

The dream in and of itself is not a bad thing. It's the worship of the dream that is. And I guess that's partly why I need to give up the dream, give up the hope and give it over to You.

Maybe my dream will never take place. But I nee to be secure to know that if it doesn't then You have bigger and better dreams than I have.

To you O Lord....

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you the angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right...

My Hat

I got a hat today and here is my haiku about it:

My Hat is way cool
It keepeth warm the dome piece
Reverberating

Haikus are so nice
but sometimes they don't make sense
Refigerator

Crested Butte

So I finally decided to figure out how to add pictures. Here are some pics from the trip to the Wildflower Festival in Crested Butte. It was a fun and much needed break.





My friend Gwen taught me the fine art of eating oatmeal out of the packet. It's a fine balance of adding boiling hot water to a paper packet while trying not to give yourself third degree burns.







We ended up staying at a campsite called O Be Joyful. To get to the site we took a Suburu over this stream. I guess that's what suv's are made for....

The girls were awesome, the time was awesome, but the best part was the view.....

And the campfire.....

It's beginning to look like Christmas

And it really shouldn't.

Because according to the rules of decorating for Christmas, it shouldn't officially begin until noon on Thanksgiving day. I'm pretty sure that's the earliest that you could technically put up the lights, the tree and everything else.

At my parents house, we don't put up the lights, garlands and tree until the day after Thanksgiving. On that glorious Friday, we all wake up early (meaning my sister drags us out of bed)and hit the shops at 6 in the morning. After that we decorate the tree and generally argue on what to do with the garland. We argue about it every year so I guess it's pretty much tradition now.

Anyways, back to my point. We shouldn't be decorating for Christmas...yet.

What I hate

Daylight Savings Time.

I mean, come on. Is it really necessary? I mean who likes to get off work and have it be pitch black outside? I for one do not.

So, it lieu of my hatred for Daylight Savings Time....

I've decided to boycott it. That's right my friends. I will act as if the time change never happened. I might show up an hour early for everything, but at least when I get off of work it will still be light out.

Cause that's how I roll.

...

I ran across this song a couple of days ago and when I read the lyrics I thought it was pretty relevant not only for our society, but also for myself at times. I think mostly it's because we want to use people for our gain, satisfaction or pleasure. And I don't know if we really care about the other people around us. If you honestly asked most people in relationships what they enjoy about it, they might list off the different qualities about the other person, but then they would also list how that person fulfills certain aspectations. What is it about us that causes us to be so selfish and focus solely on our own needs, wants, or desires?

I want a lover I don't have to love
I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you
I said I liked your shoes
You said, "Thanks, can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time

Now it's two o'clock
The club is closed
We're up the block
Your hands on me; Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been here before

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a f*ck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here but I'm not sure
I've got the money if you've got the time
You said it feels good
I said, "I'll give a try."

Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning

Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
And the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep... keep singing...

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorise
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind

But you, but you...

You write such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt.
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do

Then hurt me...

I went to a concert on Tuesday

And ended up in a hot tub.

It's kinda funny how life ends up. One moment you are you on your way to a rockin' concert in Boulder and the next moment you are sitting in a warm pool while snow is falling on your hair.

Tuesday five of us planned on going to Boulder to see Mat Kearney and Griffen House play at the infamous Fox Theater. However, the weather deemed that we would not make it there. The first snow of the season came that day and dropped about a foot or a foot and a half of white goodness around our fair city. On the interstate we went from Woodman to Baptist road, a ride which would take about 10-15 minutes on a normal day, took 45 minutes.

I think all the cars in Colorado Springs that didn't have 4 wheel drive decided that day to start cruising and joy riding the streets. Because about 50% of the cars I saw that night were in the ditch.

Anyways, one of my friend's parents happened to live up north and had a hot tub. We ended up hot-tubing for the rest of the night under the stars and the snow.

What a nice diversion

I had a dream....

I had a dream last night that I was riding 50 cc motorcycles with my friend Jev. For some reason we had carts beind our motorcyles full of cardboard and we were racing eachother. I don't know who won because I woke up before the race was finished. I know, random dream.

In real life...
On Friday I went to the liquor store to buy some drinks. And there was this chick that was on crack. It was somewhat sad and pitiful. She was itching her arms, talking a mile a minute and pretty much stumbling or falling into anything in her path. It so easy to judge, but it's probably better to realize given the circumstances I would probably be the one on crack.

Sunshine through the rain...

I often don't tell others how I'm truely feeling or what I really think. Maybe it's because if people know more about me and can see all of me they won't like me. So, I decided that while this blog won't completely expose the deepest depths of my soul, it should somewhat convey my thoughts and feelings toward things.

Sunshine....

Some people are the sunshine in our lives. They are the people that when caller id pops up on the phone, instead of sighing and thinking "I really don't want to talk to them, but I should", we silently celebrate and can't wait to hear their voice. When you leave their presence or finish a conversation with them, you leave with a greater sense that life is indeed good.

Their sunshine spills out through their hugs, coffee times, trips to McDonalds, random dance parties, walks around the loop, spontaneous trips to the local movie theater, late night rain runs and sometimes club-club. =)

Let's be honest, sometimes life sucks. It doesn't always go the way we thought or planned it to go. Everyone one goes through these times...

I hope I can be the sunshine in other's lives when they are going through the rain.

"Remember, we're saving our sugar calories so we can have a lollipop tonight"

Yeah, that's what I overheard a mom saying to her 4 year old son while I was waiting in line for my venti mocha. The kid wasn't fat or anyting. In fact, he looked normal. What kind of mom says that to their kid?!?

I've been sort of lazy and lax by not posting anything. (Ok, so I ran out of childhood memories...)

Last night I went up to Ft Collins to see some bands after work.


It was great and I totally felt like a kid who sneaks out on a school night. Lotus was good, the hippies danced in their trance-like state and my friends and I interrogated eachother with great questions like, "Out of these 3 people... who would you kill, who would you screw, and who would you marry." I think I dug myself into a hole on that one... And then I drove back to the Springs at 12:40 am.



Unfortunately, as many of you were wishing I didn't hook up with a hippie while I was there.

Lucky Number Se7en

7. Lying about my birthday

I think at one time or another we've wished our birthday was right around the corner. In my case I was four and I decided that instead of my birthday occuring in January, it was going to be today!

I was playing in the driveway and the next door neighbor girls came over to play... And I told them that it was my birthday. They were suprised and promptly left. I didn't think anything about it, somewhat forgot about it and kept playing with my brother. The girls came back about an hour later and they brought all sorts of gifts with them.

I got a bag with a goldfish and a paperbag full of used makeup. I thought I had hit a goldmine and was pretty happy that I decided that today was my birthday. Anyway, my mom found out and made me apologize and return the makeup. I was kinda bummed out.

I got to keep the goldfish though.

Ocho

Playing Knights and Princesses

Yes, contrary to popular belief, I did like playing dress up and being rescued by knights in shining armor. But usually the knight ended up being my one of my childhood friends and there was no armor to be seen.

I remember around the age of seven playing in a barn loft. Those areas somewhat convey a magical scene. Maybe it was the hay in the loft with the rope swing hanging from the rafters... or maybe it was the chance that at any moment the rotten boards would crumble and I would fall to my untimely death. Either way I loved it.

And in the barn loft we would play knights and princesses. Most of the time my sister, Melody or I pretended that we were locked up by a witch or held capitive by an evil dragon. And my brother, Robert or Micah would slay the dragon, curse the witch and free us from that evil spell. We would then thank the knight profusely and claim our undying love to the hero.

Yeah, I was 7 and it was a little cheesy.

But to be honest, I still like being rescued.

Number 9

Almost Drowning in my cousin's pool

I was five and visiting the cousins I didn't know existed in Florida. My cousins are a good 5-8 years older than me and invited me to go swimming with them in the backyard. I thought it was awesome and wished my parents had thought of putting a pool in our yard. Before I got in, my cousin gave me a great tip. She said "If you think you're drowning, just put your hand up in the air"

So I jump in the pool....on the deep end.

And I definately could not swim like a fish. In fact, I started to sink like a stone.

So I followed my cousin's advice and threw my hand up in the air... And somehow I didn't start floating or swimming at all. I was a little shocked that her wonderful idea didn't work.

So there I was, my hand was up and I was going down.

Eventually someone saved me. I think it was my dad. Thanks Dad!

Top 10 Childhood Experiences

Yeah, we've all lived through childhood so I thought I would post my top 10 list of those years.

10. Getting a doll for my birthday

I was nine years old and what I really wanted was a horse. I wasn't picky, it just had to be a horse. My best friend Mimi at the time got a horse for her birthday. (Which just guaranteed that I would get one too, right?)

So on the eve of my b-day I had a slumber party with Mimi and we spent practically the whole night determining my horses name and exactly how suprised I should act when I recieved the horse. January 25 rolls around, I jump out of bed and run outside to greet my new friend.

And there was nothing out there.

Later at breakfast my parents gave me an American Girls doll. I don't think I ever really played with it once.

Cause let's face it, a doll pales in comparison to a horse.

pic

Being Willing to Learn

There are two types of people in the world: The eternal students who learn just to learn and to earn degree after degree... going after God knows what. Then you have the other half who must learn to expand their my knowledge of something. (I suppose there is a third category of people who just don't want to learn anything...ever)

They seem to be different, but I think the second one causes you to admit that "Yes, I don't know something". And that can be a humbling experience.
Lately I have been doing this alot, admitting that I don't know all the answers, that I don't know how to do everything. It's hard. And sometimes I'd rather not go through the process of learning something.

When I start something new it's exciting...somewhat. And then I hit the curve, where stuff hits the fan and I realize that I either have to suck it up, try harder possibly experiencing failure or just give up.

So, do I really want to learn, to be willing to try and perhaps exceed or fail? Or do I want to just be comfortable, not willing to learn nor admit my shortcomings?

I guess time will tell....

I'm training to become a cage fighter

....but then again, who isn't these days.

Everyday as I walk into work I see that glorious card stating "I'm training to become a cage fighter" with a picture of Kip from Napolean Dynamite.

hmmm...

I guess that would mean that I would need to buy some stretchy pants, and add about 200 pounds. Yep, I could do that.

I guess it's just one of those days

You know the kind,
It's the day that drags on forever.
It's the 1/2 lunch that really was only 10 minutes.
It's walking to the bathroom and finding the large yellow sign with a hand on the front stating "Geschlossen". I'm not German, but I think that means closed, which also means I have to walk down another flight of stairs to pee.
It's driving late to work in the fast lane of the interstate going 30 miles an hour because the guy from Texas in front of me is lost...

But on the brighter side, our boss bought us a bunch of sunflower seeds, which in my department is the currency equivalent of liquid crack on the streets. And it causes us to act as happy as a fat kid in a candy store.

As I sit in my lovely cubicle waiting for trades to come in, I'm just staring out at the mountains and wishing that I could be there. I don't mind my job, I just don't want to be here.

Thoughts on Change

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better. - King Whitney Jr.