It was just my imagination, running away with me....

So my morning has gone kinda like this:

Hitting the snooze button at least five times to get some sembalance of sleep and then rushing through the shower so I was to work on time.

Using this new product on my hair that's supposed to straighten it, but it ends up giving me all these kinky crazy curls, then blow drying it to make it look better causing me to be even more late than I am. (And my hair still looks like crap)

Starting my car and slightly freaking out cause it sounds wierd. Maybe it has something to do with it being overdue by about 3,000 miles on an oil change. So I don't turn my heater on and freeze on my drive to work.

Spacing out as I'm driving, listening to Oldies and looking at the spedometer and realizing that I'm going 85 in a 55mph work zone. Oops.

Walking up three flights of stairs, turning when I see the hikers, walking down the hallway to my cubicle only to realize that my cubicle doesn't have those picture frames on there, nor does the cubicle next to me have plants. Confused, I realize that I'm in the completely wrong area of the building.

Trying to talk to co-workers and having a hard time since my tongue is swollen cause I bit the hell out of it last night eating stir-fry.

Going to the coffee machine and realizing I have to make a whole freaking pot cause they're both empty. Curtosy people, that's all I have to say.

Crappy morning right??

Then by magic it turned around. I checked my hotmail and got and email from the Peace Corps.

Lo and behold I am medically cleared!!! It only took a couple of months (which was generally slack on my side), 4 trips to the doctor's office, 1 trip to the dentist and eye doctor, and $750 in eyeglasses.

And then I got a pear from Harry & David. It doesn't get much better than this my friend.

Christmas

24 baby chicks.

I think that is my most interesting Christmas present by far. In addition to the typical presents under the tree, my parents gave each of us kids 24 baby chicks.... To some family in a third world. Turns out chicks can not only feed a family, but it also gives them a micro-enterprise by selling the eggs.


Props to my parents for thinking outside the box and providing a sustainable living to those less fortunate than us. And it turns out that they're going to do it every year. How sweet is that?


I'm thinking this ranks up there with the Mountain Hardware wind & water resistant pants.

Thanks parents!

Babylon

I walked through the door, announced my name and settled into a soft leather settee. Time passes as I play endless games of solitare on my ipod, never resolving, always restarting the game hoping that my luck will improve after each refreshing of the screen.

I should feel pampered and relaxed in this luxurious place. But instead I feel uncomfortable, akward and insecure. Memories of me as the geeky, scrawy, glasses with braces kid float through my mind and I uncomfortably shift yet once again in my seat. As I sit waiting for my name to be called I hear whispers and snatches of conversations whirling around me.

"Did you see what she did.... and then I said...who the hell does he think he is....that lady didn't even tip me....she is getting so fat....of course I didn't tell him.....she doesn't really like him...."

After my name was called, I sat in a chair and snips of my hair fell to the floor. The conversations continued to float around me.

And as I heard this conversations I began to feel sad and almost sick to my stomache. So often I have been the one in the conversation honestly telling others of what I think of someone. I talk about people alot more than I should. Instead of talking to that person, I talk about them.

I don't want to be that person anymore.

Babylon
By David Gray

Friday night I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

Flake.

I don't know when it became the norm for people my age. But it seems like lately everyone around me is a flake. It's a lack of commitment from anything past 10 minutes from now.

Don't get me wrong, I mean I'm a slight commit-a-phobe. I can't buy a house (cause it's too scary) and I can't buy a dog (cause then I would have to stay at home all the time).

But really it seems like socially my friends can't commit to anything. Take Thanksgiving for example. I asked my friends for an RSVP for the party and only about 10 people said "Yes". But the kicker is that only 4 of those "Yes" people showed up AND about 7 of the "No" people showed up too. And of those remaining 6 "Yes" people, most of them never called to apologize for not showing up.... they're now relegated to my "Are you my friend?" list.

I don't get it. It's common curtasy. Yes, turkey doesn't cost alot. But it sure helps to know a head count so I can know how much turkey to buy.

And sadly, I do have to admit I was a non-commital social person. Well, until I realized how much of a jerk I was. My tactic was something along the lines of hearing all my options and holding out for the best one. If nothing better came along, then sure, yeah, I'd love to come to your party. But if there was a better option, well then I would be a jerk and either cancel at the last minute or call after the party/function/coffee date was already supposed to start.

Wow! Was I really that person? Yeah, yeah I was. And now I'm seeing that most of my friends are the same way. So, to any of my friends reading this....

1. If I make plans with you, that means I made plans. I worked my day and errands around to see you. Yes, I have other obligations, parties and people to see, but I took that into account before making my plans.
2. If I can't make it, it's probably because I'm either sick or grouchy. And you wouldn't want to hang around me anyways.
3. If I can't make it, I'll try to re-schedule.
4. If you are going to cancel on me, let me know as soon as you know you can't do it. Otherwise, you are just being rude.

Ok. I'm done with my rant. Happy Monday!

So I got new glasses the other day and as I glanced in the mirror, I realized that my glasses kinda make me look like Jeff Goldblum.

I swear when I bought them from Lenscrafters they looked cute, but now all I can think of is Jurassic Park.

Chiner vacations

Most people don't go anywhere on vacation. If the world's population was represented by the people that work in my office it would go something like this:

Scrimp and save vacation days.

If you do take a vacation day, in no way whatsoever should you go anywhere. Just stay in the Springs and waste it on mundane chores, appointments, and to-do lists.

If you must go somewhere, you may only visit your family or extended family. This said family must live in mundane and boring states like Nebraska or Montana. Upon taking this type of vacation, you should at least get food poisioning from eating your great-aunt's jell-o salad, or take really dumb pictures so you can tell everyone about your boring vacation life.

In no way whatsoever should you:
a. lump all vacation days together
b. take more than your alloted vacation days in the form of unpaid vacation
c. Go somewhere cool
d. Go out of the country (because anywhere besides the U.S. is really scary *note the sarcasm*)

And of course I did all of the above and the general consensus of my co-workers was to freak out!

I got alot of "What!??! Where are you going? How long are you going to be gone? How much vacation do you have? Are you independently wealthy?" And of course the one I hate the most "Ah, I live vicariously through you!"

My response to most of this was "Yes, I'm a trust fund baby and I just work here to make my dad happy" And the funny thing was most people actually believed me.

The phrase "I live vicariously through you!" just plain creeps me out. Seriously, go and do something instead of just sitting at home watching TV and playing with your cats.

So I left for China for 3 weeks. I didn't think about work once. I got attacked by monkeys, lost (which happens alot to me), and a super sweet tan.

I took 8 flights, 3 train rides, 2 bus rides, numerous taxis and subways all in the matter of 21 days. And I loved it!

So if you are saving vacation days so you can run errands, please don't. Go somewhere fun!

Almost there....

Yes. For many of you wondering I am still alive. Alot's gone on in the past 6 months, including a 3 week vacation to China. But I digress....

Once I came back from China, I got nominated for Business Development in Latin America. I was pretty exicted but I also know that the place could change from my nomination to placement.

So I had to complete additional paperwork for the Peace Corps. They send you a medical packet that has about a bazillion pages. So I went to the dentist, the doctor twice, and the eye doctor. I got a Polio, Flu, Typhoid vaccine and got poked 4 times for a bunch of different blood tests.

The paperwork was sent back on Tuesday and I'm dentally cleared. Whee...

And for all of you reading, welcome back, sorry for the boring post. =)

Her face is a map of the world

Is a map of the world

You can see she's a beautiful girl

She's a beautiful girl

And everything around her is a silver pool of light

The people who surround her feel the benefit of it

It makes you calm

She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

Random Road Trips

So I was driving back from Nebraska this weekend. And as I was driving I saw on the side of the road a $100k boat.

Abandoned.

Wha?!? Who would abandon a boat on the side of the road? Especially when it's freakin expensive.

So my devious mind began to plot on how to commit highway robbery. And then I realized my fatal flaw. I didn't have a hitch on the back of my SUV.

Curses! The one of many times that a hitch would have been useful. So dejected, I continued cruising at 85mph.

And then. I saw another boat. This boat was bigger and more beautiful than the last. Abandoned. It's not like the hitch had a flat tire or anything. And no one was standing near it, there were no cars. It was just there.

So I had the chance to steal two boats this weekend....if only I had a hitch.

p.s. I hit a deer too, but that's another story.

Ok,

Just gonna throw this out there.

Illegal Immigration.

It a topic that I have been reading about lately. And while I'm still trying to figure out my views on the topic, I would like to know what you all think.

So.

Illegal Immigration..... your thoughts?

It's Not Rocket Science

The other day my roommate and I decided to get rootbeer floats. Pretty easy right? Well I was soon to find out that the world operates otherwise.

We drove up to AWD/KFC and they were closed. We checked the time, it was 9:52. We checked the door. Yep. The door clearly stated that they closed at 10. I hate it when drive-thru's close early. It's a pet peeve of mine. But striving to be the ever optimist. I said, "Hey, let's go to Micky D's, they're never closed."

Against our better judgement we steeled our car towards those gorgeous golden arches that glowed against the moonlight. Yes... We were going to have our rootbeer floats.

As we cruised our car up to the window, we tentatively said, "I know you guys don't do this, but can we have a rootbeer float"

The fire back answer was "Nope, we can't do that"

Now for some reason, my brain jumped into work mode. The mode where there is no "can't" where usually you can come to some solution, no matter how cracked up and convuluted it is.

"Now wait a minute..." I said, "You do have coke right?"

"Yes...."

"And you do have Ice cream correct?"

"Yeah"

"Now why can't you combine the icecream and coke together???"

"We wouldn't know how to price it, we can't do it."

I know, McDonald's is not known for doing it your way. I think the only way is the machine way. But still. I had to persist.

"So you can't physically combine the coke and icecream, is that what you are telling me?"

"No, ma'm, we just can't"

So, we gave up. Ordered an ice cream coke, a coke and resolved to make it ourselves.

Seriously, it's not rocket science. It's just bad business. Now I could go off on a rant of how we don't empower people to make decisions (and maybe these people have never been empowered), but I won't. I won't talk or rail about how McDonald's lets their machines do all the decision making. I won't boycott the place, because honestly, I really do like the fact that they have those red boxes to rent a dvd from and they are open for my midnight big mac.

But seriously people, it's a rootbeer float.

So I did it....

Well, at least I'm starting on it.

For those of you that don't know, I've been contemplating applying for the Peace Corps for a year. And yesterday I started the application.

My reasons are many and my explanations would probably take numerous posts. But the short end of it is that I have been blessed with so much and because of that I want to go and help others.

The timeline from application to leaving is about 6-9 months. So if I get accepted, I'm not leaving anytime soon.

Eek! This is a big step for me, but it's time.

Tyler Durgen would be proud.

Why I love Memorial Day

* Biking down to Territory Days
* Seeing more than my fair share of mullets and interesting clothing combinations
* Determining that most people get hideous tattoos (What's up with that? It's permanent people, get something cool!)
* Turkey Legs
* "Homemade" Lemonade that was made with all natural Nutri-sweet
* Exploring the side roads where I live
* Drinking Old Fashions (Grind an orange slice and a cherry into sugar, add 1/3 bourbon, 1/3 soda water, a dash of bitters and throw some ice in it)... this might be my new summer drink- Thanks Jeremy!
* Curly potatoe fries
* listening to new age Native American music and determining that it's not my favourite genre. It's not even a top 100.
* Swinging on my hammock and not falling out.
* Road tripping through the void of Nebraska with a good friend and realizing that I left all my good cds in Colorado.
* Camping with my niece only to realize she snores.
* Eating fresh home-made rye bread.
* Having my mom hem my pants
* Washing my car with my dad and having a water fight.
* Biking a mile with my niece which took 2 hours.
* Picking wildflowers.
* Having those hard conversations, crying, and learning about myself in the process.


Ok. All of these things are priceless. I guess my life is like a MasterCard commercial afterall.

It's Official...

I think I can now finally call myself a Coloradian.

Yes. I now have Colorado plates and GASP! I even sucked it up and went to the DMV (the place I detest most in the world) and got a driver's license.

I've gone skiing at Breck, Copper, Keystone, and Eldora

I've gone backpacking through a couple feet of snow to La Plata in May.

I've mountain biked through the fall aspens at the base of Mount Princeton.

I've kayaked at 11 mile reserviour.

I've climbed the Cactus Cliffs at Shelf Road.

I've hiked around Crested Butte in search of wildflowers.

I've snowshoed and stayed at a Yurt in the San De Cristo mountains.

Oh, and I've competed in cannon ball contests at the Punchbowls.

I've flipped over bikes,
fallen down mountains,
scrapped my knees,
made my fingers bleed.
I have scars.
I have bruises.
....

But I think I've finally arrived.

Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays...

Contrary to popular belief sometimes I do actually do work while I'm at work.

Just not today. Or yesterday.... or the day before that.

We moved our whole department to the basement and I sort of feel like Milton from Office Space mumbling about my red swingline stapler. I already do the TPS reports (seriously, they are) so I'm just waiting for my boss to come up to me and say

"Mmmm yeah..... I'm gonna need to you come in on Saturday...."

Moab!!!

In 17 hours and 50 minutes I will be on my way....

That's right, Read it and weep

I woke up this morning to rain.
I smiled.
And realized that it was going to be a beautiful day.

I was talking to my friend Gwen last night and she said something that stuck out to me.

Girls like two things,
1. Learning something new every day
2. Twirling

And I have to admit that she's correct. I love learning or experiencing something new everyday. For example, to day I learned about the reasons for Bolivia's explosive hyperinflation in the 1980's. Yes... I am a dork. But I like learning about the why behind things.

As for the twirling...

There is just something about spinning around and around while letting the fabric of your dress float, swirl, twist and turn about you. It's mesmerizing. It's beautiful. And I love it. Maybe its because it brings back memories of me as a little girl playing princess in the fields behind our house. Or maybe it's because when you twirl, people watch you and admire.

And it's all the more better when there is someone to twirl you. I'm not going to be the emotional sap here, but as a girl, yes, it is nice.

That's it. That's all I had today.

--sorry-- I lied. I do have more to write about.

So here is my exteremly long interjection...

Let me recommend a cd to you all that is going to be permanently in my cd player.

Listen to it, love it, live it.

It's "Shiny Toy Guns" album by We are Pilots.

You know whenever you listen to a song and can completely relate to it? Like the song was just echoing what's in your mind? Well here's one of them for you. It's called "Don't Cry Out", But I would like to refer to it as "Jamie's Life from a Previous Time". Yeah, it's good. It's what I'm thinking, well kinda. It's hard to explain. So read the lyrics, enjoy, and know in an odd way that it's what I'm thinking.

Auggh.
Sorry. I usually keep my blog light and airy and enjoyable. And I also know that when I write something deep or something that I've been pondering that no one will post a comment- that's ok. I don't mind. Really I don't.

Alright, I'm done for now. More posts to come....

Don't Cry Out

I don't get you . .
I can't forget what you've forgotten
all along
I've never been so alone

Don't Cry Out
Cease Fire

I was pretending
Your secret kiss of confidence
Was my escape
The perfect game to play...

Don't Cry Out
Cease Fire

Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven six five four and I'm all over you
Counting three two one and I'm having fun...

Your fascination
With naked walls of silk and skin
With no conditions
I needed you to notice....
That’s all I wanted

Don't Cry Out
Cease Fire

Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven six five four and I'm all over you
Counting three two one and I'm having fun...

"So it looks like the Chicken Pox..."

Someone said to me as they glanced at the tiny red welts covering my arm. And looking at my arms, stomach, legs, and probably my back, sigh...., yes. It does look like I have the chicken pox.

I mean most people get them when they are in kindergarten from the slightly chubby girl named Susie. Or when their parents decide to have a "slumber party" with the sick and slightly spotted kid from Sunday School.

So I could break out the Calamine lotion and look like I took a bath in Pepto-bismol.

Or I could take the more obvious approach.

Which would be to observe that these red bumps covering my body are actually welts. And that they only appeared after a trip to see a friend in Fort Collins. And that throughout the entire time we were at Ft. Collins we were having airsoft wars. (which I have to interject here and highly recommend that everyone go out to your local Wal-mart and buy an airsoft gun. You won't be disappointed. I know I'm not)

So to Cactus, Todd, Zack, and Todd's various roommates- Thanks for the welts. They'll be with me for a while.

Please.... Please let it snow.

I want tomorrow to be my Friday/Saturday.

Please??

Just a flake or two, or two million. I don't care.

Just close down the interstate and leave motorists stranded on the road.

Me?? I'd rather snuggle in a blanket and drink hot cocoa with just a little kick to it.

clouds crashing into one another

A prayer for the searching...

Desperate for changing

Starving for Truth

I'm closer to where I started

Chasing after you.

It's Pat....

background music: "Bell Bottom Blues" by Derek and the Dominos

Is it a she or a he?

That's the basic arguement that my co-workers and I have been having about another co-worker that works in a different department. We'll call that co-worker "Pat". Pat looks like a man, but she/me has a big butt... The type of butt a girl has. Pat's hair is cut short, in a uni-sex cut and Pat doesn't wear any makeup. There's no adam's apple on Pat, but no boobs either. So most of us at the office are left scratching our heads still determing in the lunch room what this person is. I mean really, if people are debating about your sex, you know that there is a problem. So for all of you that don't want to be that Pat, here is some suggestions for you.

a. Don't have a uni-sex haircut. If you are a guy, have it look mann-ish. If you are a girl, wear it longer. If you insist on wearing it short, have it look semi-feminine. Or at least wear earrings.

b. Wear distinguishable clothing. I mean, anyone can wear a button down shirt and khakis with leather shoes. So if you are a girl, wear at least a tailored button down that shows you have curves.

My family came into town this weekend.

It's funny how you generally forget the little things that make you laugh or really just annoy you.

* Like how my sister is a vegetarian only at the most inconvenient times.
* Or how my 5 year old niece likes to cheat in Old Maid, stacking the cards so the other person will always get the Old Maid.
* Or how my dad gives me dating advice.....Awkward
* And also how my mom usually ends up crying when we say goodbye.
* How my brother loves to push me as hard as possible on the ski slopes and also conveniently/accidentally leaves his wallet at home.
* How my sister and I started making french toast, and then ended up talking, bonding, and crying
* How my mom was going to be in the yarn shop for 15 minutes... two hours later, she finally left
* How my family went up to Cripple Creek for a mine tour, only to find out that the last tour of the day was already going on.
*Then driving down the mountain only to have my entire family get car sick.

Fun times with the Konecny's, seriously, I should write a book about it

Where is my mind

Background music: 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins.

It's 10:08 am. I've been at work for approximately 1 hour and 8 minutes. So I guess that means I only have 7 hours and 52 minutes to go.

And the problem is, I have no work. I mean I can troll people's inboxes and do their work for them, but honestly I just don't feel like it. So I'll sit, blankly stare at my computer for 15 minutes, obsessively check my email, and then take a break. (Because damn, doing nothing is hard work) Uggh. My life is seriously starting to look like Office Space.

It's so gorgeous outside. Maybe I can get a tan at lunch.

One o'clock here I come.

Whee...

Guagh!!

I miss riding Gary.... my mountain bike.

See he's a Gary Fisher and so what better name for a bike? Anyways. Spring is starting to appear. And yet Gary sits in the garage. Un-used and un-loved. I tried explaining to him that at the moment we just aren't right for eachother. That the weather seems to get in the way of our time together. But I don't think he understands.

And so he sits in my friends garage. (I know, not even my garage) Waiting for the day for me to pick him up, go to the mountains and have fun.

Blast this artic freeze weather!!!! because right now all I want to do is to go and ride.

Now why is this news?!?

Anna Nicole Smith died. And Fox news, CNN and pretty much any other new organizations have been covering it non-stop. It's on the news during lunch, it's even on while I'm at the gym burning off my 500 calories.

News? Really? Are you kidding me? I mean who really cares? Did she do anything to contribute to society? No, I don't think so.

So why are we devoting so much time to this? I think it says something about our society and the people we worship. We admire and worship people that are nice to look at but are generally selfish. They don't have to make the world a better place, they just have to prove that they are better than anyone else.

Sad. Why are we so devoted to beautiful looking people?

P.S. The Italian Prime Minister resigned. For some reason the news gods deemed this un-newsworthy.... Who knows why. .. I'm switching to the BBC.

Sick

I've been sick for the past two days....

It's the stomach, runny nose, and the groggy head sickness.

And yes, I'm at work right now.

I'm not sick enough to go home, just sick enough to not feel good. And really why should I waste a perfectly good sick day when I am not completely sick enough?

So for the past couple of days I've been existing on ricecakes and soup...Which believe it or not is quite satisfying. In fact, it would probably make an amazing diet that I could patent. I would call it "Liquid Rice 3000" (because everything sounds better with a couple of digits after it)
Ok, so your sodium intake would blow through the roof....But you could lose weight. And that's what everyone is about, Right?

Uggh.....
I want to go puke now.

I love you Jimmy Choo

So something happened to me last week that I think most people can relate to.

I was sitting at my computer doing work, my brain practically turning to mush. So I decided to take a break, stretch my legs and go to the bathroom. You know when your mind is kind of on autopilot? Where you walk to the bathroom and walk into a stall without thinking about it?

Well I did that....

And as I sat on the toilet I happened to glance at the person's shoes in the stall next to me.

The person's shoes were brown, leather and suspiciously mannish....

Oh crap!! I'm in the men's bathroom.

A quick mental calculation and I realized I have no clue how I went to the wrong bathroom.

Was I on crack? I must have been.

But then I glanced to the right on the stall door and saw the sanitary napkin box.
And a quick glance through the stall door showed the tampon dispenser.

So...... I had to have been in the women's bathroom.

Now who was that person next to me? Was it a guy?

Cause wow.....that would have been funny.
So I exit the stall and wait by the sink to see who would emerge.

And it was A GIRL!!!

What kind of girl wears man shoes when you can wear perfectly good stilletos?!?!?!?

Ah, Jimmy Choo.... I love you.

A Self-Proclaimed Enviromentalist

The other day I was sifting through some old papers and I came across a Sierra Club bumper sticker. And I'm currently contemplating placing on my SUV.

Yes, I know. Placing a Sierra Club sticker on an SUV....I think that's a semi-oxymoron.

You see, I like the enviroment, I really do. I just think sometimes it's too much of a hassle to do anything about it. Now before you all think that I burn down the amazon in my freetime, let me explain myself.

I hate wasting electricity, water, pollution, deforestation, the extinction of endangered species and all that.

And these are the following reasons why:

I think I realized how wasteful I am went I went on a backpacking trip last weekend. We boiled snow for water and used it as both our drinking water and for washing our dishes. When I think of all the time it took to convert snow to drinking water, I realized how much I waste water and don't even care.

I leave the water running when I brush my teeth, my toilet is constantly running water because a lever is broken (I'm thinking of fixing it, or at least jiggling the handle...but on second thought that would mean that I would have to get up and actually do something) and, I take extremely long showers. Yep, I'm a water waster.

Regarding wasting electricity... It bothers me when people leave lights on all over the house. Call it a pet peeve of mine. The reason it bothers me so much is because I know that my electricity bill will be sky high the following month. So in the end, I'm not about energy conservation, I'm for a lower electric bill.

I'm for recycling. I just don't do it.
I used to recycle all the time in highschool. I had the bins, I had a plan. And the plan worked for a long time. I recycled aluminum cans, newspapers, milk jugs, laundry detergent jugs, and even tins cans and glass. Wow! I was on a role. The only problem was that the recycle man came around once in a blue moon. So we had a whole garage full of stinking recycable things. After a couple of months, my dad curtailed my enviromental ambitions and took it all to the junkyard. Sigh.

And now, I am without bins and without a plan. I should do something about this.

So really I am a self-proclaimed enviromentalist. I just don't do anything about it.

Should I return my Sierra club card now?

An Awkward Conversation

She came over and settled down into the couch next to me. For a while, we ambled over comfortable subjects and revisited topics that we had hashed out long ago. Then she mentioned an acquaintance that I had met when I first moved to the Springs.

"Remember Nate?"

"Yeah, he was one of Teddy's friends right? Glasses, dark brown hair..."

"Yeah, that's him. Well...," There was a long pause as she shifted uncomfortably, "He died Jamie, about 2 weeks ago."

I swallowed hard and hurriedly looked away. What do you say when you knew someone only as an acquaintance? The last time I saw him was at church and even then I had a hard time placing his face with some other place else that I knew well.

"How?"

She sighed. "It was suicide"

Multiple questions flooded my brain. "Was there a note? Was he depressed? When was the funeral? How does Teddy feel?"

But for some reason I couldn't ask any of them. The questions ran from my brain and trickled into my heart.

Whenever people die, it's a shock, a suprise. It feels as if they are suddenly snatched away and there's nothing we can do to stop it.

But suicide's different. The person chooses to end their life. And while it's a shock and suprise to those around the victim, there's also an overwhelming sense of guilt.

A sense of guilt that in some possible way we could have done something to stop it.

I didn't know Nate well, but the guilt is still there.

Old Soul Song

A poem from my past, be inspired ya'll.
..



I want to build
a wall around me,
so no one can look
if they really don't want to see
me








To creatively borrow a quote from my friend Grace,

"Sometimes we put up walls. Not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down."

Me talk pretty one day

I realized yesterday I can't talk. I guess speaking English is not my forte anymore.

Yesterday I called my boss to tell her I was going to be late because there was this bad car accident on the enterance ramp. So I proceed to tell her that I just got on the Interstate at "U-nit-tah".....


For those of you that don't live in Colorado, it's pronounced "Yoo-in-tah"



Totally mis-pronouncing Unitah like a misplaced Texan is a cardinal sin.


My boss completely cracked up and when I showed up at work, everyone made fun of me for the rest of the day.

Which brings me to English lesson number 2:
Make sure you use the correct word in a sentance.

I was at work the other day completely starving. So I said to my co-workers, "I'm so hungry, I feel emancipated!!"

I'm sure being hungry might lead to someone becoming free. But in the end emancipated and emaciated are not the same.

I'll learn English one of these days. I guess today's just not my day.

.... And tommorrow's not looking to good either.

Knowledge is power

Wal-Mart is the nation's largest private energy user. Each of the discount giant's 2,074 supercenters uses an average of 1.5 million kilowatt-hours per year; combined, that's enough to power Chile.

It's amazing how one single smell can bring back a flood of memories.

Yesterday, I bought some new shampoo and as a proceeded to use it in the shower, it had this particular smell to it.

And the smell transported me to Spring of 2004 when I was staying in Manchester with a Welsh family. I stayed in a green room that was decorated with fresh daffodils, drank horlicks (it tastes like warm malted milk), watched Bridgit's Jones Diary, was quizzed endlessly about facts on the state capital of Nebraska, played with a cat, learned to play piano from tab, visited various public schools, went white water rafting in wales, celebrated mum's day, explored an old barn and still, did a high ropes course, saw a soap show being filmed, and lost numerous games of cards.

Those memories came flooding back from just one smell.


Odd, and yet so comforting....


Ah Cheadle Hume. How I miss you.

Go

Someone once said:

One can't forever stand on the shore. At some point, filled with indecision, skepticism, reservation and doubt, you either jump in or concede that life is forever elsewhere.